This New Year (Spring) I was tested! From my heart to my habits to my patience even down to certain family members. I argued, I almost gave up, I walked away and I doubted everything being shown in front of me. I realize that even though I had gotten far with my growth, I still had work to do!!! Then to top it all off I still had to work, to be mom , be friend, daughter, sister , lover, counselor etc. Yet no one knew what I was battling internally nor did they even ask !!!!! But this was my journey not theirs.

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So I took a break from the spells and started working on what I needed and wanted out of this season. It was hard to not dabble in magic because I felt that was how I ended up with so much already! What I didn't realize was that the magick was within me! The materials etc were just additives!.. I realize that I didnt trust me enough. I didn't love me enough to go for it and that needed to change! That's why I kept seeming to get tricked back into old toxic shit because I didnt believe I was powerful enough to evolve on my own!🔮

This season showed me how powerful I am when it really gets down to it as well as how much more work I needed to do!💯

I got complacent (didnt have that drive to go for it that much more), shallow ( so focused on my looks that I was thinking about taking toxic shit just to get a booty like others!), Over indulged in herb so I didn't have to deal with my powers full on. I WAS TURNING MYSELF INTO CHICKEN SHIT BEFORE MY EYES!!! Then BOOM I was requested by my ancestors to do a very powerful spell that required me to quit all of that shit for 3 months or my future and the person I was helping health would not be promising! I realize it wasn't about me at all!!!! I fought it hard but ultimately had to give in. 😭😭😭😭😭

It hurt to realize how far I had strayed, how self sabotaging I was! How one track minded I had become! That I kept getting sucked back into other people's bull shit!! Even creating extra bull shit within my life! When people had spouse problems, they would call and lay all of their shit on my lap and id scoop it up, if they had doubts , worries etc. I would absorb their shit to make them feel better but would never hear them utter a phrase as "Are you ok?! How are you doing?" Instead it was you did this , you did that when I didn't jump when they wanted. Instead of explaining to them that I will no longer be their dumping ground, I bottled it up and I created a procrastinating monster!!! I stopped cold turkey! Even dropped those that seem to only bring up toxic shit about others but never corrected themselves! I was falling into that old pattern of pointing the finger and blaming others for the responsibility of my happiness!

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Some got angry , said hurtful shit I will never forget! Some disspeared and some told me to get to work!!! I took all of that and realized that each one was right in their own way! I asked my ancestors for guidance and I was told to stop being a puss and make it happen!!! Everything I want is at my fingertips but I cannot only focus on the future. Or stay angry because of the past, I must be in the now!! ❗❗❗

So I say this to say, no ones perfect but its up to YOU to find you! Your Shadow work is not going to be pretty , Hell your awakening either but it's worth it. To open up all the wounds and instead of pouring salt into them and expecting others to cry with you (Misery loves company) I'll stich them bitches up myself and then ill be patient and let it heal first!!! 💌 ( Never let someone rush your evolution when they haven't even recognized theirs)💌

❤Im not perfect but I don't aspire to be! I aspire to be me! The ying and the yang.. ⛔NEVER let someone make you feel bad for evolving and leaving them behind if they dont want to!!! NEVER stay complacent because its easy!!! Everything I asked for is staring me in the face waiting on me to glow up and catch it while so many are waiting on me to fail OR have already shown how they feel about my own personal journey!! FUCK 👏THEM👏...

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People will try to bring you down when they havent even met their shadow person yet!! So I say write down your pros and cons you feel about your self. Ask your lover what could you work on Instead of always complaining about what they can do to make you happy. Its not their job its yours!! Figure out what makes you happy besides material attachments!!! Your house, car, clothes can easily be taken away , believe me!! So be humble ☝.

It is my job to make me happy! The blessings I receive along the way are markers letting me know that the light at the end of the tunnel is near. And the negative too because its all a test.. Keep going!! Accept your good and bad !

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❤ To start your work you can find a habit you feel has been crippling to you. Your escapism is what's holding you back! Whether is anger , weed , liquor , money , sex , negative attention , gossiping, being a victim , jumping from relationship to relationship... There is a message within that you needed to listen to before you can evolve or you'll keep going through the same shit diff..day...

I'm growing everyday but I be dammed if I stifle my growth to make others comfortable, that's their own battle!! I'm focusing on mine now!!!

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I will be starting my spell work again on this new 🌙 and even though I'm tired & Fighting these old habits so I will not repeat them, I am proud that I have gotten this far!!

🌻If you ever feel chaos take a "White Bath" (Look it up lets be more proactive!!) or you can go out to a tree and hug it. My favorite is playing my favorite music and dancing until I can't anymore.. Never let current circumstances, others misery or your doubt stop you from soaring higher than you ever thought!! Your balance depends on it💋

As someone who makes me feel that I need to step my shit up and a reflection of everything I'm working on said....

GET TO WORK

Speak it, live it but do not let it consume you . You're not going to always get it right! But as long as you don't give up!!!! ❤

Shadow Work 🌓